However, the point of this blog is to talk positively about my habits and life in general and so perhaps this is not the best place to wax lyrical about all of the negatives. Besides, I found this post on Sex Addiction on another blog that, scarily, accurately sums up the entire cycle I have with dressing and checking other blog sites. Right down to the reasons, or potential reasons, so I found that independent verification fascinating, full credit to Kristina X.
|This is pretty close to the chemise,|
mine's from 2006 and George, with
a straighter neck line, lined with cheap
lace effect. It's a lighter pink too.
That night, after writing my diatribe, I put them both on. I tightened the straps, spaghetti style, of the chemise and left it to gfall about. I even managed to avoid the usual physical aspects of dressing and focussed on the 'feel' of the ensemble. It seemed to work. I think I recaptured part of that feeling from the first occasion in this account. I felt whole, I felt like me. It was tinged with guilt and sadness though. I knew that I was indulging as a direct response to the events of the previous two days and as a means of upholding some rather poorly constructed sense of self. It was masquerading for a more permanent and appropriate support for worth and it was a pale comparison. However, it was hard not to get involved in the feeling of tightness around my shoulders as I moved in the duvet, I've been sleeping on the sofa (it's a mattress really) for a number of months now, allowing me to carry out these night-time excursions with relative ease without fear of discovery.
|If I had a bust, I'd like to try something like this.|
Because of it's length and the sheer impracticality!
There's a whole lot more going on, and now it is time for me to cease recording this for now. I shall return to it later.